Shitty Movie Detail: Man of Steel

Clark Kent meets holographic Jor-El.
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

When Clark Kent first meets holographic Jor-El, Jor-El calls him Kal. Thrown off, Clark asks, “Kal? That’s my name?” Clark is confused because everywhere in the script he is listed as either Clark Kent or Superman.

Shitty Movie Detail: The Good Liar

The Good Liar
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Everyone in The Good Liar is a proficient prevaricator. That’s because they are all actors. Actors always pretend to be someone they aren’t. Except for Ian McKellen. He’s actually a wizard from Middle Earth known as Gandalf.

Shitty Movie Detail: Doctor Mordrid

Doctor Mordrid: Master of the Unknown
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

I’m supremely cornfused. I thought the new Doctor Strange movie is titled Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness and stars Benedict Cumberbatch. The movie I watched is titled Doctor Mordrid and stars Jeffery Combs. You don’t think the semi-toothed man behind the downtown public library sold me a bunk DVD, do you? He did smell like cat pee and regret but was otherwise respectable.

Shitty Movie Detail: Doctor Sleep

Danny "Obi-Wan" Torrance at rock bottom.
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

(Mild Spoilers)

It is difficult to watch Obi-Wan (Danny Torrance) struggle to hide his connection with Force (or “the shinin’” as we call it here on the Earf). Thankfully, he comes to terms with his “gift” in time to help a young girl.

By help I mean: uses her as bait; gets her father killed; makes her an accomplice to multiple murders; gets her drugged and kidnapped; causes a major accident—to the car she’s riding in; exposes her to a gruesome death; takes her across several state lines; and finally, makes her an accomplice to hundreds of thousands of dollars of damages to private property by arson.

Luckily, all of that is TOTALLY understandable and NOT illegal, creepy-rapist-uncle behavior. I think… I mean, we’re a lot more progressive these days, right?