Shower curtain liners suck big ol’ donkey dick.
There you are, enjoying your shower, and here comes the shower curtain liner, creeping up all slow like the molester ice cream van—touching you a little bit here, grazing you there, lightly rubbing, caressing softly . . .
(ugh! fuck! enough! they get the idea.)
Continue reading “Journaling June: Creeping Shower Curtain Liner”
Why are slugs black now? I remember slugs being brownish and green and shiny with mucus. On my walks all I see now are these charcoal sticks shoving their way across the sidewalk.
Actually, I’m less interested in why as I am with when. When did slugs turn into Sith? The when question is more important because I’ve noticed other things that are similarly different “all of a sudden.” This is distressing because I tend to be good at noticing details. By missing changes like this it makes me wonder if I’ve stroked out a bit. I mean, I did have a massive heart attack at 32.
Continue reading “Journaling June: Where Have All the Anole Gone?”
I’ve almost bled my current pen dry.
Oh. Right. You’re reading this on on screen. Sorry. A little background will help. I handwrite all my journals. There is something satisfying about scratching out my thoughts on paper, something ritualistic about it. I’m sure I’m romanticizing it by giving it an almost religious quality, but I’m a writer. We are prone to the flights of fancy. Give me a break.
I’m always amazed that I handwrite enough to empty so many pens. I shouldn’t be. I mean, I write every day. I fill a moleskine notebook each month. I guess it’s surprising because for the longest time, starting in college, I used my computer to write, and so a pen would last years. Hell, a pen would have lasted my whole college career if I hadn’t lost them.
(or found one we liked better. and then another. and then another . . .)
Continue reading “Journaling June: The Right Write Stuff”
For a long time I was ashamed that I play Animal Crossing.
For those readers who are not familiar, Animal Crossing is a very simplistic game where you play the mayor of a town of anthropomorphic animals. There are twenty or so NPCs: five or six residents (with houses you can visit); seven or eight shop keeps who sell things you need/buy things you have to sell; and the rest are a revolving cast that show up at different times for special events. The game takes place in real time, that is it uses the built in clock and calendar. When it is 5:00AM in the real world, it’s dark outside and 5AM in your town. Mid July on the calendar in the real world, the sun is shiny and the plants are in full bloom in your town. When the real world clock strikes midnight, January 1, the fireworks go off in your town to bring in the new year. (I’m in the United States so your game would be different. The dated events are specific to the region in which the game is played, so insert you’re specific events into the example.) Game play consists of things like fishing, talking with neighbors, starting municipal projects (new fountain, upgrading bridges, etc.), and shaking trees for fruits or treasure.
(basically, it’s being a retiree on Sesame Street.)
Continue reading “Journaling June: The Rules of the Game”
Am I a piece of shit?
(stop. don’t answer. it’s rhetorical. we’re working through something.)
I have started this, worked up a page or so, and stopped . . .
Nope. Not right. Start over.
I restarted, wrote a few hundred words, and stopped again . . .
Nope. Even wronger! Start over.
I sat staring at the screen . . .
. . .
I got up. Went for a walk. When I got back I started again, but after 45 minutes . . .
(the pulse in our neck throbed in time with the cursor. weird.)
I’m a bit out of sorts right now. Please bear with me.
Continue reading “Journaling June: Asperger’s or Arsehole’s Syndrome”