Damnable Shower Thoughts: Outsider Looking In

Shower head with water running.

A friend texted she’s finally seen Captain Marvel. This is significant because I’m “The Movie Guy.” Always there opening weekend and there’s something opening EVERY weekend. But since July 2018 I’ve been watching at home, that is, waiting for the new releases to be available for rent.

Her text saddened me. I’m going to be several months out of step. Worse still, with all the Summer blockbusters coming I’m going to have to remove myself from the group texts to avoid spoilers. I’ll be an outsider looking in at the party.

Then, as if in my own teen-coming-of-age rom-com, the realization hit me: there’s a whole world out here I’m missing being the creepy peeping Tom.

(or we can just go to the damned movies again, it’s not THAT expensive.)

Eh. . . Maybe.

My Sick Days When I Was Green in the Lungs

“Humans are dumb and they die easy.” —Bender Bending Rodriquez

My trashcan is a bucket of sick. It’s not surprising. I work at a K-12 school. On top of that everything outside is coated in the light green dusting of Spring. There’s only so much a body can take, even for a paragon of perfect health such as myself.

I normally don’t get sick. Simply refuse to, you see.

(one has to be firm about these things.) Continue reading “My Sick Days When I Was Green in the Lungs”

What’s All This Damnable Humbuggery Then?

“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?” —Murphy

What the fuck?

I ask that question often. I ask it because I find that the life is supremely confuzling (confusing + puzzling). I’m fairly sure life is that way for everyone, but it is particularly true for me. Why “particularly” for me? Maybe it’s my Asperger’s. Maybe it’s my mediocre intelligence. Maybe the world is just fucking crazy.

(perhaps all three?)

Continue reading “What’s All This Damnable Humbuggery Then?”

Rey and Ren: A Star War Fan Theory

Note: Names have been left out to protect the stupid.

(but our name is known, it’s the site’s URL! what are we saying here?)

You shut up.

* * *

There’s nothing controversial about saying the internet is full of bat-shit crazy theories. Duh, right? And all unmarried men are bachelors. A=A. Tell us something we don’t know, Commander Evidenticus.

Then there are the fan theories. And THEN there are Star Wars fan theories. A hotbed of crazy that makes a Taco Bell cheat day before a kegger look brilliant in comparison. Continue reading “Rey and Ren: A Star War Fan Theory”

A Walk Thru The Humanoid (1979)

Lord Growl, Touchdown!

There is nothing controversial about the assertation: Star Wars is the most beloved space opera EVAR! Most beloved film ever, slightly controversial. Whatever the case, most of the world has seen it and many who have love it fanatically. As such, the franchise has made billions of dollars for its owners and has spawned other billion dollar industries. It amazes me that a work of fiction has done more economically, not to mention culturally, than some countries.

Before it became the juggernaut it is today, there was the influence it had on the film making community, an influence that spawned countless Star Warsploitation films. One such film is the subject of this month’s walk thru: The Humanoid (1979) by director George B. Lewis, who not only borrowed aspects from Star Wars but also co-oped a name very similar to George Lucas. I thought The Asylum was shameless. The director’s actual name is Aldo Lado, a name befitting an anagram master or a master “sampler” of other people’s work.

Oddly enough though, for all the appropriation in The Humanoid, the movie’s title doesn’t have the word “star” or “war” like most of the other Star Warsploitation films. I guess there was a line Lado wouldn’t cross after all, though I am scratching my head on that one.

That said, let’s see just how much Lado sampled in this walk thru of the 1979 spaghetti Star Warsploitation, The Humanoid:

You can read the rest of my, ehrm… I mean, the Doktor’s, walk thru over at The Lost Highway.