Journaling June: A Middle Way

A blocked, disused road stretching off into the foggy distance.

Last night I had a dream set in The Structure. The Structure is an all indoor world, with shopping districts, living districts, manufacturing districts, etc. It’s very antiseptic and manufactured, like living inside a huge mall, except there are no windows. For all intents and purposes, there is no outside.

In these dreams I am generally on a quest. This time I was part of a team looking for parts to repair the failing systems of The Structure. There was a problem. I had no idea what was broken, nor even if I had, how to fix any of it. The others in my group knew I was useless and were trying to distance themselves from me. Somehow, even if they were able to find the piece to fix the problem, having me in the group would bring us all down.

Not only was my world literally falling apart around me, but even if it were to be fixed, I was getting ostracized. Being on one’s own in The Structure is as much a death sentence as all the systems failing.

Thankfully my bladder woke me up before anything happened.

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Journaling June: Existential Meditations

A dead worm on the sidewalk.

“Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.”

I’m a sucker for quotes like that. I came across it on the subreddit inspirational quotes. I’ve subscribed to that subreddit because I’m trying to find the positive in the world. Sadly, most of the time it seems that the good things don’t surface quite like the bad ones do.

But, I can’t point my finger without three fingers pointing back. I may have quit watching the news, got off of social media (except Reddit), and avoid the sensationalistic hype machine as much as possible, but I still find plenty of click bait titles to follow. I go down those rabbit holes incensed, pitchfork and torch in either hand.

(in other words, we’re a sucker for that stuff too.)

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What’s All This Damnable Humbuggery Then?

“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?” —Murphy

What the fuck?

I ask that question often. I ask it because I find that the life is supremely confuzling (confusing + puzzling). I’m fairly sure life is that way for everyone, but it is particularly true for me. Why “particularly” for me? Maybe it’s my Asperger’s. Maybe it’s my mediocre intelligence. Maybe the world is just fucking crazy.

(perhaps all three?)

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